Reflections on Four Years of Weekly Uploads
Looking back on the last 12 months of my creative output and assessing what the future may hold.
Oh boy, I really blew it on some commitments from last year, didn’t I? One of the problems with running a solo blog of this nature is that it’s hard to find scapegoats to explain why things didn’t necessarily go as planned. At time of writing, each of those polls has four votes total, so I interpreted that response as total ambivalence on the part of my audience regarding the future, but feedback is important, and I wish I’d committed harder to making those adjustments. Some did succeed: German-to-English translations have accounted for about half of the translation segments I’ve done, but others not so much.
Perhaps the easiest failure to explain away is the lack of video game reviews. I’ve mentioned the ongoing saga of how an initial zeal for signing up on NetGalley to receive advance copies of novels quickly turned into a deluge on my schedule. That backlog is gone now, but the allure of new books continues to pull me onto their page instead of working through some things I’ve already purchased; not just the video games, but other novels I’ve picked up from used bookstores and tag sales. Also, my computer is over 10 years old at this point and would need a serious upgrade to get some of those games working. There are some really interesting hidden gems out there and my bookshelf is incredibly full right now, so I’m going to have to figure out a way to strike a better balance with that.
“Sons of Goethe” has been a real success in my opinion. It hasn’t drawn in many new paid subscriptions, mind you, but connecting those ideas through different experts in their respective fields gives a more tangible feeling to his presence in the modern world. Generally when scholars talk about him they refer to his impact in nebulous terms, and it doesn’t paint a very good picture. I still have a few people in mind to write future segments on, but down the line I’d like to expand what I’ve already done into full mini-biographies and the like to really nail something down and publish it in book form. I figure I can probably get 10-15k words out of each of those compact little segments I’ve written for the blog if I include pull quotes to bolster the arguments (which don’t do well when you’re writing for an online audience). There are either three or four already up that represent literature, art history, science, and music, so it would only take another four or so to create something that could go to print.
That being said, the publishing industry does not seem to look kindly on me. I really thought that the poem I wrote for October’s paid article was going to get me a book deal somewhere. I milled through almost two dozen form rejection letters before the negativity started to get to me and I couldn’t look at QueryManager forms anymore. It’s a real condemnation of the publishing industry as a whole that AI slop is getting shipped out the door on a daily basis, and none of the agents have the decency to explain to me why this project is, in their words, “great but not for me.” I did try to explain that I would be open to writing more poetry if length was the issue, and it had always been expressly stated that I wanted an artist to turn it into a picture book, but that wasn’t enough to merit personalized feedback. If it’s the form and content that they object to, frankly, βάλλ᾽ ἐς κόρακας. As I mentioned in my movie review article, ancient history is making a comeback in the modern era, and if you’re not ready to jump on the train then you’re going to get crushed under the wheels. I’ve got another article coming out soon about the importance of didactic poetry, how great of a need there is for more, and why any self-respecting student of the modern age ought to utilize it to the extent that it exists. Going the self-publication route is another option, but I worry about not being able to pay for an artist to make 26+ drawings, not to mention promotion fees and the like. It’s going to take some external force to get that ball rolling in the right direction again because hopelessness has brought it to a standstill.
Even so, I’ve continued to work on a handful of fiction projects in the background. One is a pulpy espionage thriller, the other is a horror novel, and neither has anything to do with my qualifications in the classics on the surface level. I finally shelved the project I started nearly three years ago with the understanding that I’ll start up again once I have the technical ability to make some deeper adjustments to the plot that need handling. Ideally I’d also travel overseas to the country where it’s (sort of) set, but again I run into the issue of a lack of funds. Funny how that seems to be a recurring theme. Expect at least one of those novels to be done before the end of the year. Whether the industry will allow it to go to print by then is a different issue entirely.
What else does the future hold in store? I’d like to follow up on some of the scholars I touched on in the Demandt project. Unfortunately, a lot of the books I had intended to translate passages from are on archive.org, which is struggling to stay afloat and I worry about being able to access what I would need to make that happen. Another “big” project I have planned is connected to the poem I wrote earlier last year: in December I traveled to Brooklyn in order to research the life of A.V.V., and there are a handful of things I may do with what I uncovered. Precisely which avenue I plan to take is up in the air, but anticipate that that’s not the last time you’ll be hearing about them.
Also, song translations just aren’t doing it for me anymore. Their purpose, to show I can walk the walk and not just talk the talk, has been well-established at this point, and the Ad Finem Journal will act as an outlet to keep my Latin up for the time being. Instead, I’d like to work my way through some of the backlog of novels I’ve picked up relating to the Classics and the ancient world as a whole. That will mean two book reviews a month and two “regular” articles going forward. I don’t think anyone will miss my translations; they were by far the worst performing articles on the site, but I’m glad for the experience regardless. I’m also considering suspending paid articles as a whole and just releasing everything for free going forward, and only making money off articles in the archive. Quite frankly, I feel as though the knowledge I’ve shared in some of these articles is more valuable than the pittance I have been charging for it, and nobody seems to want to pay for writing anymore anyway. If you receive the next paid article for free, you’ll know why.
The other direction I’ve considered pursuing is a much different path. As previously mentioned, money troubles have been a large impediment to the furtherance of my goals. I live within my means, and all the money I get from this website gets funneled back into my projects as a rule. Yes, an appreciation for the classics is on the rise, but there are leeches with little Latin and no Greek all over. A more naive version of myself used to regard them as minor annoyances, and occasionally even teachable moments. The fact of the matter is, though, every dollar that goes into their frivolous Netflix deals is one that comes out of my and my colleagues’ back pockets. The struggle for the public’s attention is effectively a zero-sum game, and while it’s fine to put out a debunking video every month or two, the side of true knowledge lacks a vanguard that would seriously contest with those who use the aesthetics of the ancient world to mimic intelligence. Academia moves slowly, and while the explanations as to why the “bad guys” are wrong exist, it’s a lot easier for them to quickly pump out a whole bunch of insults and misinformation on a third-grade level than it is to explain how carbon dating reaffirms our understanding of a certain artifact to the public at-large.
What if that wasn’t the case, though? To take away that advantage would level the playing field, and may even tip the scales in the favor of the “good guys.” The problem is, the academic “debunking” method will only go as far as light-hearted snark, and isn’t willing to descend from the ivory tower to wrestle in the mud with the pseudo-academics. I am not so proud of my reputation that I wouldn’t be willing to burn all this down and rise again, reincarnated, to spit in the faces of my enemies. If I can’t use this website to blog my way into a decent paycheck, it’s clearly not because of a lack of talent. Instead, I place the blame on the liars and charlatans who soak up the audience of people genuinely interested in history because they’ve made their clickbait slop into the only entry-point. For that reason, this might be the last year of blog activity. I already feel forced into a position where a pivot to video is the only way of moving forward. If it were up to me, I’d just get paid to do my silly little song translations week-to-week for the next 40 or so years, and I resent the people who have manipulated the algorithm to make that less possible. If I have to pivot, I’m going to take it out on the “bad guys” and end the free meal ticket that they’ve been coasting off for years with their lies.
If you’re interested in this as a project, I’ve got a few rudimentary scripts for Youtube videos already written up. I’ve been watching wrestling for a large part of my life, so I certainly have a bank of knowledge on how to insult those people down to a “t.” There are a few other loose ends I’d have to tie up before committing to a full pivot outside of a silly little teaser promo like the paragraph above, but if all goes well, that’s certainly a possibility. Leave a comment below on your opinion.
